I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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