tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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