do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
