If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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