FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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