considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
