just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
