so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
