break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
