i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The uberlube is also flammable
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
