sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
