I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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