you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
