Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
