you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
