I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
