I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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