My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
