I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
