Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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