so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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