i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
