they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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