im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
