I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
