sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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