I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
