My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
