can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
