sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
