I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
