I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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