My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
