i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
