wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
