I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
