Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
