I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
