i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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