.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
