Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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