i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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