I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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