me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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