Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
