the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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