She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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