What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
