I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
