Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
