you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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