one two three fourrrrnication!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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