I am midnight drunk by noon
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I believe in your delicious
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
