He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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